1. Do not sit down when singing. This is not your unplugged.
2. Do not sing a ballad. No one cares.
3. Do not take your friends on stage with you if you are nervous. You want them in the crowd, where they can yell and clap for you.
4. Do not boo the singers. Karaoke is at least three of most people's biggest fears rolled into one public experience, so everybody gets a E for effort.
5. If you pick a song everyone knows, nobody cares what you sound like because they are too busy singing along. This crowd wants to sing. That's why they're at karaoke.
6. No one with ass ever sings Baby Got Back. I do not know why this rule exists, but it does.
7. All Meatloaf songs are too long for this.
8. Guitar is not the only instrument one can air.
9. If you can't think of anything else to sing, there's always "Say It Ain't So."
10. Tip your DJ.
Nope. I must never do this. Public service. I have been and had fun watching, though.
ReplyDeleteOne night I watched a deaf man sing at karaoke. It was glorious, and it pushed to pick up that mic and bellow. A few years later, now I'm "that guy who does Hedwig all the time."
ReplyDeleteAnd now we know. Thank you, sir.
ReplyDeleteI cannot sing to save my life therefore I would never inflict my singing on to anyone .
ReplyDeleteThere aren't enough alcoholic beverages in the world for me to get up there! But I'm an awesome chair dancer, sing-a longer, and air drum soloist.
ReplyDeleteI said the exact same stuff for years. Years and years. I was wrong. You may be, too.
ReplyDeleteI will never, ever do karaoke. Never. I am a really bad singer. And I am not wrong! ;-)
ReplyDeleteI'm a bellower, but I picked a couple of songs that fit my short range and also I drink. I'm good with Ace of Spades by Motorhead, for example. Angry Inch from Hedwig.
DeleteYou are awesome! I have read every one of your posts and wanted to comment but been too shy. Your writing is compelling and honest and intelligent and hilarious ~ keep it up, Hank!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks! Don't be shy - please comment any time.
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